death and taxes
by kabashira
Summary: sasuke and naruto go look for itachi. itachi tries to destroy konaha while dodging taxes. zetsu/eating ppl cuz hes into that i guess.
1. sasuke bothers some birds

"im gonna defeat itachi i will i will" sasuke euthanized wile doing something idk what tho.

"what planet are u one?" naruto ponded cuz he didnt know ho itachi was.

"fuck u naruto" sasuke through one of his sharongans at him but naruto doged so it hit the wall and sasuke seared cuz it was still concocted to his eyesocket.

then sasuke did some stuff and the next day he and naruto were looking for itachi.

"so are we going to kill itachi sasukekun" naruto alternated cuz he didnt no despite sasuke tellingn him and also because he was bored and tied from walking so long he might as well make conversation with the man he loved who might kill him at any moment.

"shut ur dam moth and help me kill itachi ur so useless naruto" sasuke answered narutos question without even hearing it cuz his sharingan was that good also because he wasnt listening thats why he didnt here it.

"god i hate u" naruto illied cuz he actually lived sasuke

then they saw some crows and sasuke was like

"are u guys my brother" but the crows were like

"no sorry" then sasuke got mad and tried to kill them but he herd a voice saying

"let those young men alone" IT WAS...


	2. GENJUTSU?

ITACHI!

"holy fuck its itachi" naruto voided cuz the crow man in front of him was so emo theres no way it wasnt sasukes brother

"u killed my clan prepare to die" sasuke yellowed pulling out his Eternal Mangakyou Sharingan~ just in case

"foolish younger bother" itachi turned on his to and scouted "GENJUSTSU" which somehow put everyone under a genjitsu even though naruto and sasuke werent even looking at itachi and itachis eyes were on the ground cuz he pulled them out to scratch his eyesocket cuz uchihas do that every now and then. anyways on to narutos genjutsu.

* * *

"I love you naruto!" genjutsu sasuke compassed he also leaned in for a kiss

"me too." naruto meant that he loved sasuke but thats not what it sounded like. he returned sasukes kiss

"wow our kid sure is great minotaur" narutos mom said to her bf or maybe husband idk if they got marred but anyways narutos parents were proud of him and they got him an orange julius and they let him put posters on his wall and they didnt insult their sons ability to write and they loved and cherished him.

* * *

naruto woke up.

"was it all a. GENJUSTSU?" naruto assed. the only person there who would respond was sasuke who was currently under the genjutsu not that he would have answered the question he wouldve just insulted him cuz sasuke was tsundere like that also he just straight up hated naruto

* * *

"can i be player one?" yung sasuke askewed itachi while they were playing legend of zelda

"ok" itachi handed sasuke the player one controller.

* * *

"AHHH GENJUSTU?" sasuke woke up and stabbed the air with his chidori but itachi wasnt there and naruto was "what itachi go" sasuke maked

"he left" naruto lanced. itachi took the time that they were under his GENJUTSU to not be there.

"nooooooo" sasuek teamed

"dont worry sasuke well find him" naruto conferred

"noooooooo" sasuke schemed cuz he wanted to defeat his brother along cuz if he did it with naruto would it really be victory? he wouldnt no cuz he wouldnt know if his hateed was strong enough anyways thats why he has to do it alone.


	3. itachi v sasuke

sasuke wet to go find itachi but this time without naruto but intead of funding itachi he found a plant.

"this is one nice plant" he said admiring the plant

itachi appeared! "it would be a shame if anything were to happen to it" he knocked over the plant

"nooooooo" sauske cryed "why did u do that brother"

"ur hatred isnt strong enough" itachi said but that wasnt the reson why the reason why was he just wanted to. cuz hes a dick

"fuck u itachi im sick of ur shit" sasuke threw the pisces of potted plants at itachi and knocked him out...

* * *

"mmm yummy lunch!" white zetsu ate sasukes dead body cuz white zetsu was the plant sasuke through at itachi

"god white zetsu shut fuck up?" the other white zetsu voted to white zetsu cuz rlly, someone needed to say it

"u white zetsu, stop eating my brother!" itachi chased white zetsu away with a broom white zetsu galloped into the sun to show up later when i need a deus ex mechina

"now to find the akatsuki" itachi said cuz he needed to find them to destroy konoha with them


	4. itachi needs to pay his itachi tax

itachi was gonna go l ook for the akatsuki but then he decided to treat himself and buy a stay at a five star hotel and wash his hair for the first time in months cuz it was very greasy but his good mood was ruined when the someone nocked on the door.

* * *

"hey are u itachi" the guy at the door said

"yea" itachi responded

"well u gotta pay ur itachi tax"

"what" itachi didnt no he got taxed just for being him

"yea u get taxed cuz ur itachi i cant believe u didnt no that now pay up"

"how much" itachi was tired and just wanted to go back to writing about how much his life sucked so he agreed to pay

"100 ryo"

"oh fuck no" itachi said "u no what? i cant pay cuz im dead" itachi lied to the man cuz he was very smart and fast on his feet so he could come up with a lie very quietly

"what ur clearly alive in front of me"

"no im dead" itachi commited seppuku with a butter knife to prove it.

"oh no itachis dead looks like im gonna have to come at another time" the taxman said and left. this is really gonna fuck up itachis search for the akatsuki.


	5. itachi finds the akatsuki

"akatsuki?" itachi found the akatsuki

"yeah itachi" the akatsuki sad

"oh their u guys are i was looking for u so i can destroy konoha w u guys"

"wow itachi ur so strong and manly and u have such nice hair and eyes im so glad ur on our side." dedera told itachi

"yea its me and oh yea the irs is after me so if u could not say my name so loudly thatd be great" itachi said but it was to late.

"did i hear the name itachi?" the guy who bothered itachi earlier walked up to the akutski

"quick hide me" itachi scurried under kisames akatsukiTM cloack quakering in terror of the taxman

"no why" hiden said

"im a taxman" the guy said

"whats that my man" dedera was like

"i collect ppls taxes"

"whats that" hakzu was lik cuz no one in the akutsuki pays there taxes especially him

"its stuff that u gotta pay"

"who are u again? konan and everyone else forgot but only konan said it cuz everyone else was very sad and shocked about hearing they had to give ppl money

"im a loan shark and im looking for itachi" cuz the taxman was tired of this convo going nowhere he just lied to them so theyd stop asking him questions and start ansering them

"oh im a lonely shsark to but thats not an excuse to harass are friend" kisame defended itachi while also making it all about himself like we get it kisame u have no friends and stuff like god maybe if u shut the fuck up every now and then u would.

"thats my problem i cant harrass him cuz his dead" he was also talking about his problems now. sad.

"my man i will bomb u" dedera said but it wasnt in response to anything that the taxman said he just wanted to say that to warn the taxman about what he was gonna do cuz he likes the attenton

"well i better get out of here then" the taxman only barely didnt want to die but dederas leering at him kinda scared him so he was leaving

"wow thank u dedera i cant believe ur incessant staring scared away the taxman thank u for doing that for me" itachi got out of kisames close and hugged dedera in thanks

"haha no problem my man thats totally why i was doing that yea. iloveyou" dederas daniel was very surreptitious but itachi was willing to ignore it cuz he saved his life and his wallet.


	6. the end begins

i dont want to update this cuz its at the weed number but i will anyways. also this chapter is the weed number so idc

* * *

naruto was at home playing video games when he was like.

"maybe i should go help sasuke" but he didnt

* * *

"ok akatsuki lets go find konoha!" itachi yawed at the akatsuki then they all went to find konoha cuz their traderous ways made them forget where it was so they got lost and pain was like

"where are we" and konan was like

"idk" cuz she had the map only she didnt no how to read maps all she new was the four cardinal directions which was like three more than the rest of them know but still

"give that to me" itachi tried to take the map away from konan but she elbowed him in the stomach super hard sending him stumbling straight into hidan knocking both itachi and hidan over

"AAA YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS UCHIHA BOY, WITH YOUR LIFE." hidan was very woo mad he evn got out his scythe to kill itachi with

"what no i wont" itachi said and pulled out a gun

"JASHIN SAVE ME" hidan charged at itachi while itachi shot him with his gun

"what why cant i hit u" itachi didnt turn on his sharingan the dingus "oh ok my sharingans on now its cool" itachi was very alleved cuz he thought he was going blind or something he was but that was like sharingan stuff not regular eye stuff if u know what i mean ;) so anyways itachi and hidan fought and itachi did some wicked cool shin kicks but then hidan impaled itachi w his scythe and drew the circle thing and then stabbed himself so itachi will also be stabbed and itachi was like

"wow this bad" before he dropped to the floor from pain and death and then pain and kisame read him his last rights cuz they were christans and dedera gave a nice speach that was like

"itachi, my eye for art stares only at your eyes of red cuz my man, you were the most beautiful picture ive ever seen" only gayer and everyone was crying and holding eachother and sasori patted deidera on the back cuz he just lost his bf and sasori was also his bf so it was his bfs job to comfort his bf when he lost his bf and the speech was very rousing so they all got up to kill konoha when...


	7. the end stalls

itachi is kinda a christian cuz he hears the lords words in his head when he goes to church on sundays but he doesnt hear him in his heart. sasuke doesnt believe in religion cuz what kind of god would let him get sunburn whenever he goes outside w out sunscreen? pain and kisame are the only true christians on the akatsuki only kinda cuz pain is multitheistic cuz he thinks god, milf god and madara are all real gods so hes prob gonna go to hell anyways but kisames a fish and we all know only humans and dogs go to heaven. orochimaru also wont go to heaven cuz hes a snake man sasori wont go to heaven cuz hes pinochio and obito wont go to heaven cuz hes a bad person

* * *

ITACHI GOT BACK UP

"jokes on you i was only pretending to be dead!" itachi gelatined only it wasnt actually itachi it was sasuke! sasuke killed itachi by throwing white zetsu at him then stole his body to wear like a suit

"itachi my man why do you sound like such a little bitch?" didera was askin the real questions

"cuz im not itachi im sasuke look" sasuke ripped of his itachi suit to reveal himself only his hatred wasnt strong enough so he couldnt rip it off he had to get a kunai and cut it and it was super gross cuz his hand moved into his itachi to cut it so it looked like itachis hand got sucked up into his body but the loose skin was still there and it gross and basically u didnt want to see it in person

"wait if ur sasuke then how did i eat ur body?" white zetsu said w that sexy voice of his while noming on sasukes itachi suit

"it was all a GENTJUTSU" sauske said with his less than sexy voice

"that make no fuckin sense" zetsu was right but who cares he was a fucking plant

"shut up zetsu" pain was sayin what everyone was thinking

"ok thats great but u cant stop us from killing konoha ur just one dude" konan was getting impatient cuz she needed to go watch the season finale of the office or something idk what konan does in her free time i dont think anyone knows

"not today" who the fuck nose which part sasuke meant that for but one thing was for sure. his ass was in trouble.

* * *

wow 420 words again i am on a roll


	8. naruto and sasuke v kisame

sasuke was gonna die cuz he was waaay weaker than all of the akatsuki but then naruto came to help him and sauke was like

"why are u helpin me baka" kinda cuz he was bein a dick implying he didt need naratos help even though he did but also cuz he wanted to no why naruto would still help him after all the shit he put him through

"cuz im like suuuper gay for u ssusje" and sasuke was like

"oh yea right" then he and naruto combined their chakra so sauske got the rinnegan cuz sasori just broke his gameboy to make a puppet out of that and that was the greatest tragedy hes ever experienced including his clan dying so then he beats sasoris ass for breaking his gameboy and diedera was like

"sasori-danna! un!" cuz sasori dieded then sasuke killed diedera w his susano

"itachi im sorry i have to do this my love i never ment for it to end this way i always thought wed live out our days together on a quaint island called guantanamo but its clear we cant do that anymore cuz ur actually itachis younger bro so thatd be wrong" even tho kisame was a sharkman he was still above dating a 16 year old cuz hes like 30 in human years which was like 90 in fish years at least even though itachi was like 10 yrs younger than him kisame still had morals so he ran up to kill sasuke and naruto with his cool water powers but then naruto rememerer his fight w zabuzo and haku and he was like

"that was a nice fight." and kisame was confused but sasuke wasnt cuz he was there and he was also remebing the same thing and cuz kisame let down his gourd sauske took his chances and did a GENJUTSU? on him

* * *

kisame was in a new place actually it was a old place. thats right kisame was back at ninja academy and his teacher was telling him something

"kisame can u recite the bible for the class" and kisame stood up to do it and was like

"in the begining there was nothing but then god was a bro and made something and that was light and he was like "this is some good stuff" cuz it was the only stuff but he didnt like that so he created more stuff" kisame got that far through before he realized everyone was pointing and laughing at him. he looked down and realized he was wearinf no pants. he tried to run out the room in embezzlement but his shoe laces were untied so he fell over and everyone laughed harder and kisame was so humid he stared crying and that made evryone cry to but not from sadness or embellishment but cuz it was funny to see a fish cry so they were crying from laughter in case that wasnt clear

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAA" kisame was permantly traumatized by saukes genjutsu so killing him was as easy as ur mom. they just went up to him and loped his head off but still enemys remain...

* * *

who will they fight next? idk but if u guys dont tell me i wont update for like a wek cuz my mom wont by me a katana so im gonna watch foodfight till she does so i dont have time to think of anything else.


	9. desu and takuso

pain ans conan were instakiled by sasuke cuz idk i juzt dont want right that part also i think hidan and hakzi already died but if they didnt the a rock fwll on them cuz it was raining rocks and they just happend to be at the rong place at the wrong time so anyways then sasuke and naruto met a misterious mindreader and the mindreader was all like  
"i can read minds lol" and sasuke got real scared because he didnt want anyone pring open his noggen so he was like  
"lol prove it" and the mind reader was all like  
"okay" so he asked him  
"are you 1?" and sasuke was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 2?" and sasuke said no again so the mindreader was like  
"are you 3?" and saauke was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 4?" and soske said  
"no" sand the mindreader was like  
"are you 5?" and saswe was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 6" and saiske was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 7?" and saisje was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 8?" and saikes as like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 9?" and sasuke was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 10?" and ssskke was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 11?" and sasuke was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 12?" and saisuek was like  
"no" so the mindreader was like  
"are you 13?" and sasyje was like  
"omg how did u now?" and the mindreader was all like  
"cuz i can read minds" and sasukes mind was blown so he desided to kill him so he got out his kunai and threw them at the mindreader and the mindreader doged them all cuz he red his mind before hand so he new he was gonna throw them but he fell rite into sasules plans and saussks was liks  
"lololol u fell rite into my plans thats so funny lol" and the mindreader was like  
"well what are ur plans" and sasuke was like  
"GENJUTSU" THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG SASUKE TRICED THE MINDREADER INTO THINKING THAT HE HAD A REAL PLAN WHICH MADE HIM LOWER HIS GARD AGHAST GENJUTSUS CUZ HE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ELSE HES SO SMART AND SO AM I CUZ IM THE ONE WHO ROTE IT. anyways on to the genjutsu

the mindreader was alone in a big room but suddenly hinata came in so he was no longer alone in the room because there was someone else in their now and thats just how that sort of thing works. wait why was hinata there is what ur prob asking right now but dont wory itll be exppaned soon. so hinata was like  
"hey big brothre neji i have somethibg to tell u" HOLY SHIT THE NMINDREADER WAS NEJI WAS NOT SEEING THAT COMEING. then neji was like  
"ok what is it hianta" and hinata was like  
"im already dead" then those creepy bugs with the legs started crawling out of her moth and her eyes melted and then those creepy bugs with even more legs sarted crawling out of her eye soccers. neji started screamming like  
"ahhhhhhhhhh" and hinata was like  
"also ur dad hates u" and neji was like  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH"

and then he woke up but he didnt cuz he was already dead cuz sasuke killed him wile he was asleep so he didnt wake up at all also his dad still hated him so hinata was rite about alot of things. sasuke and naruto celery braided by fistbumping then they got marred for taxes and also love but the maly sort of love u share with ur bro but it was ok cuz they said no homo before sooooo.

the end

* * *

lol fished it bet none of u guys were expecting that one


End file.
